My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
