Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
