Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
