The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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