does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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