Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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