Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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