Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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