he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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