That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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