he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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