Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
