I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
