I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
