Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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