if only i could text you this smell
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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