He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
