I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I have tasted many bathrooms
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
