The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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