I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
