I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
