New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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