he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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