as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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