My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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