All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
