something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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