People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
