best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
