my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
