Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
