i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
