once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
