You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
