Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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