I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My vagina is very pro this idea
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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