Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
