I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
