I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
