i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
