Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
