Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
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