Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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