I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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