I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
