Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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