Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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