My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
