I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Small penises have feelings too.
I look better un-naked...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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