Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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