Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
