hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
