his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
