the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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